Still alone doing the self-loathing thing. Hate my school and hate most of my classes. Definitely don’t like my classmates. Can’t get a job. Broke.

The only good thing going for me is the high GPA and being inducted into the National Honors Society. But… being alone at the time and thinking about what I’ve done to deserve having no friends. Having been betrayed and abandoned so many times…I wonder how much I suck.

I just hurt. I hurt so much.

I’m back to crying myself to sleep every night. Isn’t that pathetic? People have come in and out of my life like it is nothing. I am sure they don’t give second thoughts about me…and here I am wallowing in shame for existing. For ever thinking I was worthy of love, friends, a decent existence.

Nothing’s improving and I have nothing to look forward to. What’s the point of living if there is no chance at happiness…I’ve wanted friends for so long. But everyone always ends up hating me. Why so I suck so badly? How do I suck so badly?

I’m broke so I can’t even go to the therapy I desperately need. I’m broke so I don’t have any transportation to free or cheap counseling. And I am friendless so I have no one’s shoulder to cry on.

A terrible existence.